am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
