ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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