Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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