Apparently you make a good broom.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
