first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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