So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
