I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
