I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
