i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
