I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
