woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
