I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
