Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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