your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
