Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
