I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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