I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
