Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I fill condoms, not promises.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
