I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
