why didn't you poke me back
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
