never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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