maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
