hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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