Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
