I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
