A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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