yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
