I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Your penis caused this!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
