that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
