you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Im just a social blackout drinker.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
