But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
