@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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