Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
