I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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