When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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