I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
