I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
