Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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