so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
