I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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