Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
