He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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