So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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