From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
