On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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