It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
