Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
