I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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