I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
