Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When are your genitals available?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
