I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
