omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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