I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
