At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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