I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
